So, uh, can you make me a balloon switchblade?
READ THE LAST ONE OUT LOUD
YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED
“they won’t let me eat,wont let me sleep..”
I AM CRYING
I remember reading about how EA was trying to sell the rights to make The Sims into a movie and everyone was like “…how?”
Now I get it
It’s a horror movie
People wake up one day to find themselves transformed into puppets of an invisible malicious trickster god
First the bizarre happenings start:
someone becomes obsessed with stealing lawn gnomes
another person has a compulsion to stick their head into a strange device and emerges obsessed by grilled cheese sandwiches
people pee themselves despite being next to a bathroom because some mysterious unseen force makes them study cleaning
people find themselves stuck in rooms because they can’t step over common household objects
a young man doing some nighttime stargazing mysteriously vanishes
then their god turns sadistic
pool ladders mysteriously vanish, leading to several drownings
doors vanish just as a house fire begins
an elevator plummets several stories as a couple starts to get it on
a Murphy Bed gruesomely folds up, crushing the people inside
and that man who vanished while stargazing returns…but with something growing inside of him…and vague memories of a grotesque creature named Pollination Technician
the horror has begun
This sounds like a Supernatural episode with Gabriel as the culprit.
You forgot to talk about someones friends locked in a pool to die
I would pay to see this
when did you say this movie was comming out?
Hands down, my favorite reoccurring joke.You forgot this one
"How the Media Failed Women in 2013," courtesy of Miss Representation. This is mind-boggling and you must watch it right now.
They can leap 36 feet
As in leap forward 36 feet
They don’t jump 36 feet into the fucking sky do you know how terrifying that would be the human race wouldn’t have survived because we’d have all had heart attacks while still in Africa
I just spent two minutes laughing harder at this than I probably should have.
IM WHEEZING SO HARD OMG
this is one of those things that always makes me wheeze
"My body, my choice" only makes sense when someone else’s life isn’t at stake.
Fun fact: If my younger sister was in a car accident and desperately needed a blood transfusion to live, and I was the only person on Earth who could donate blood to save her, and even though donating blood is a relatively easy, safe, and quick procedure no one can force me to give blood. Yes, even to save the life of a fully grown person, it would be ILLEGAL to FORCE me to donate blood if I didn’t want to.
See, we have this concept called “bodily autonomy.” It’s this….cultural notion that a person’s control over their own body is above all important and must not be infringed upon.
Like, we can’t even take LIFE SAVING organs from CORPSES unless the person whose corpse it is gave consent before their death. Even corpses get bodily autonomy.
To tell people that they MUST sacrifice their bodily autonomy for 9 months against their will in an incredibly expensive, invasive, difficult process to save what YOU view as another human life (a debatable claim in the early stages of pregnancy when the VAST majority of abortions are performed) is desperately unethical. You can’t even ask people to sacrifice bodily autonomy to give up organs they aren’t using anymore after they have died.
You’re asking people who can become pregnant to accept less bodily autonomy than we grant to dead bodies.
SHOUT-OUT TO THAT ONE PERSON IN YOUR LIFE THAT THINKS YOU’RE HILARIOUS AND PEES THEMSELVES LAUGHING EVERY TIME YOU ATTEMPT TO SAY SOMETHING EVEN REMOTELY FUNNY
a shout out to myself
Possibly the funniest moment of my childhood.